A Story That’s Telling

I met someone Monday that left an imprint on me. I found myself enthralled as they shared some stories about how God had used them in so many amazing ways. One story included them going up to a random stranger because the Holy Spirit told them to share the gospel of Jesus. Reluctantly they went and after several interactions with this stranger, both bawled their eyes in the middle of the produce section at Albertson’s as this stranger was led to Christ.

There was another story they shared about a vision she had of a lamb falling and injuring itself severely. Immediately this person sprung up and began to pray for their pastor. Unbeknownst to them about 10 minutes later they receive a phone call from a friend at church that their pastor has severely broken his neck and is being air lifted to Loma Linda Medical Center. They prognosis was bad, but initiated by that vision and through the power of prayer God healed this pastor even though the doctors didn’t think it would happen.

This person kept telling me story after story. I never thought the stories would end. And in a way I didn’t want them to end. But what amazed me about this individual was not the miraculous ways in which God used them. No, what amazed me was their excitement and passion and infectious love for Jesus.

So, the first thing I asked myself when I left that meeting was, “Is that how people feel after they’ve spoken with me?”

Honestly, I know the answer. But what’s the solution?

I left that meeting thinking, “How can I be more like this person?” All they did was tell stories. They didn’t exegete a text in Scripture. They didn’t contrast two opposing theologies or use some apologetic strategy to appeal to my interest or sway me to believe a certain way. All I knew is that they knew Jesus. All I knew was that this person truly knew their Father in Heaven. It was evident that this person had a great affection for their God. And all I could think about was how infectious it was. I kept thinking about how my life would look if my affection for him were only a fraction of theirs.

I was moved by this person and their stories. But what moved me the most was their passionate excitement and tender affection for the God who saves; for the God who loves; for the God who redeems. And what I noticed about this child of God was that she emulated that same saving grace, unfailing love, and redemptive compassion that their Father possess. It was truly like speaking to one of His own.

John 13:35

Anyone There?

It’s been so long that I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to express all that is going on in my life. It seems these days I’ve been bottling up everything inside. So, now everything on my inside wants to be on my outside (inside joke).

I was reading something today that had nothing to do with writing, yet it inspired me to sit down in front of my computer and type away. The following words may seem a bit jumbled, but I believe in some way it will be therapeutic for me. Not for healing sake, but for growth sake (if that makes any sense).

I created this blog mostly to share some of my joys and frustrations in life. Another side to this blog was to invite others into areas of my life where God has continued to teach me, break me, mold me, and redeem me. This space has also been, in many ways, an opportunity for me to express what going on inside of me (which can be frightening at times). I wish I could explain all that takes place in my mind and heart, but it would truly be nonsensical. Mostly because if you were to hear what goes through my mind before I speak I’d probably be admitted to some institution. So, with gratitude, this blog has forced me to simplify. Specifically, to simplify how fortunate I am that God is truly mindful of me.

As most people who read my blog know, my aim in starting this blog wasn’t to become a skilled writer (duh!). It certainly wasn’t to miraculously become a better speaker (duh again!). But for some reason I had this strong desire to give those who would visit my blog a reason to read. I wanted them to have something of value. I wanted them to have something tangible to set their feet upon, but also to give them hope.

I entered a season in my life not too long ago that has been difficult. I left something very familiar to me, very comfortable, very easy. The least challenging thing for me to do at the time would have been to remain where I was and continue to do what I’ve always done. But I couldn’t do that. Well, I guess I “could” have done that, but I don’t believe that would have been the right thing. I needed to listen. I needed to listen to what God had put on my heart years before. And not only did I need to listen, but I needed to respond to what He was calling me to do. I need to respond as an act of obedience. Not out of obligation, but out of a joyful and trusting obedience acknowledging that God truly is in control.

I think that’s the issue in which one has the most trouble. You want to be in control. Even if you’re not a control freak, you want to have control. You want to dictate what, when, and how you do whatever it is you want to do. So, when God calls, we only want to answer if it’s on our terms. We don’t want to answer on God’s terms. Why? Because it can be too risky. And we don’t want to risk. We want to be obedient of course, but we don’t want obedience that demands an explanation; that demands an account for our actions. We often steer clear of living our lives in a way that requires others to ask, “why?” “Why did you leave? Why did you go? Why are you leaving something that’s so comfortable? So simple? So easy?”

I wish I could give an answer that made sense. But I believe that’s God’s point, isn’t it? We want answers, but only answers that fit our terms. We only want answers that are reasoned our way, by our thoughts, in our time.

This sounds a lot like my 3-year old son to me. He only wants to hear the answers he wants to hear. He only wants to hear the answers that his undeveloped 3-year old brain has mustered up. It’s not that he isn’t a smart kid. It’s just that his ways and his thoughts are not my own. He wants to understand on his terms and often can’t seem to get his mind around why I’m not doing things “his way”.

All I want is my son to realize that there can be a great joy that results by obeying his dad. Not because I want to be a dictator, but because I love him. Because I have a great affection for him. Because I’m mindful of him.

So, I’m in a season right now. A season of relinquishing control. And God is redeeming that in me. He’s allowed me experience things I haven’t experienced in a while. He’s allowed me to enjoy some things I haven’t enjoyed in a while. He’s also allowed me to ache for things I haven’t ached for in a while. And it’s causing me to appreciate Him. He’s giving me perspective. He’s giving me struggle. He’s even giving me pain. But He’s also giving me hope. A hope that my ways can actually become God’s ways.

Isaiah 55:8